A famous physicist by the name of Jared McInnis once said that "Popular science will never be as popular as popular scientific delusion used to be," and never before has this been as true as it is in the case of Uncertainty Gaps.

In his recent paper entitled "Where My Socks Went and Why I got a Research Fellowship to Find Them," Professor Plum of Springfield College explains that an Uncertainty Gap is of undefinable shape and has a duration of roughly ten thousand collars. Enforcing a previous precident of temporal measurement based on funding which was previously set by the Swedish team who worked on a study of fermented fish products.

What could this mean?

The true nature of uncertainty gaps may forever be a mystery, and perhaps most rational scientists will continue to see it as no more than fodder for cheap sensationalistic radio shows such as Radio Free Satan's entry into the field of "cheesy paranormal research" -- The Mysterious Unknown.

What is it about Uncertainty Gaps which causes them to be the objects of such populist entertainment? Just last week the local news did a segment on Uncertainty Gaps which claimed that they are the leading cause of toe cancer. Can you believe it? Toe Cancer. Unconscionable.

Until there is a trend towards unbiased reporting, such well - documented phenomenon as Uncerainty Gaps will continue to be shunned by much of the scientific community. A community that is not in the practice of exploring new territory but is rather an ivory tower greed-factory powered by money and privitization.

Bastards.

They wouldn't let me into their faculty club -- ME! Just because all I was wearing was a towel. It wasn't like it was a dirty towel, dammit. Those stains were pudding. Which wouldn't have been there at all if it wasn't for a heavy handed security guard and a stray desert cart, and to cap it all off they charged me for the pudding!

See if I care. There's no damn way you're getting anything even approaching a reasonable scientific paper for our stupid website. You keep passing me over for tenure just because I've had a few students go missing under suspicious circumstances. It's par for the course with Uncertainty research. You try spending three weeks in a small box with nothing to keep you occupied but a pair of leiderhosen. I'm not mad... you're the ones who are mad, and I said it first so I must be right and that's why you all hate me and are trying to beam thought rays directly into my television set but I won't let you because it's not going to work on me, see?